I started this blog in 2012, with the intention of writing at least once a month. I see looking back that I’ve done at least that for the most part and I’m proud of that. For someone who’s barky follow-through never equals the bite of inspiration, this is a feat worth noting. Truth be told, the blog has kept me focused – on what? More that anything it’s been a heavy stone to tie myself to in the middle of the torrential creative stream. It’s given me juice.
My path has changed much over the years. I have changed. So much so that I’ve considered taking this blog down and starting something new – maybe something with more of a focus on helping others and passing on information and less of a focus on my personal psycho-spiritual trails and tribs. But in the end I’ve always decided to keep going here and let the blog evolve with me wherever I may go.
I started out in 2012 wishing for a miracle – that the world as I knew it would not be destroyed by planet x, an oncoming comet or the tsunamis I saw in my dreams. I went to my altar in earnest all that year. In the blog I told a lot of stories that I wanted to get out. Explanations, verifications and experiences I have had and of course, discussing one of the main reasons for this blog, pondering the question, ‘what are the gods?’.
I was generally steeped in fear and flight, ready to grab my new baby and run to the farthest cave I could get to up in the mountains. Or, find an answer – THE answer to our collective salvation – this, I had come to believe, was in communing with the earth.
When nothing happened at the end of the world, I relaxed a little bit – just a little, and went deeper into my prayers and spiritual praxis. I stared meditating and practicing with journey-work. I had an unexpected breakthrough at a ceremony one weekend, that caused such a discernible shift inside of me that I could not go back to where I had been. This started me on the path to shamanism.
I got haunted on a few occasions and that had to be dealt with. I stepped back from doing any work, feeling that I had overstepped – gone to the deep end without learning to swim. However, I also had a surprising connection that spring, with the natural world and mama-earth – so much so that in looking back, I feel like there was reciprocal communication going on there. This also stopped when I stepped back from going deeper.
In 2013, after a period of doubt, I found a teacher and did a year long medicine wheel in the lineage of the Q’ero of the high Andes in Peru. This changed my life in many ways – mostly internally, in the way I relate to the world and interrelate with people. I was able to shed some very outdated, tired old skins that had become incredibly uncomfortable. I received reassurance from a helper spirit that I am on the right path and experienced a vision that sent me on the rocky path out of the mountains, down into the lush stillness of the enchanted forest. I made new friends – which hasn’t happened in along time. Slowly, slowly the ice begins to melt. .. I have said that where having my baby shattered me apart into a million tiny pieces, the medicine wheel began to put me back together again – but much better than I was before. I needed to shatter.
In this past year I’ve completed the medicine wheel and am now a full mesa carrier. I’m doing a masters in world shamanism at Ocean Seminary College, along-side rune study and an initiatory degree in Seidr, the old Norse shamanistic path. I’ve just apprenticed under a teacher in Wales as well – which I’ll talk more about in 2015. I also found out that the endless pitter-patter of my heart is actually a health issue, and this has taken up a lot of my time and energy while navigating through the medical system and searching for alternative ways back to good health. And this brings me to my latest a-ha! moment and the main reason for my post:
But waaaait – I’ll save that for another post – maybe tomorrow.
I’ll just finish up by saying this, or these things: I thank the gods for the blogosphere. It motivates me, it grounds me and it provides a source of endless inspiration. And for me, a (quiet) pagan living in one of the least religious places in the world, it has provided a sense of community, even though I am mostly a lurker. At the very least I am relieved and soothed to read like-minded folks.
I thank the gods for my path – winding, sometimes doubling back on itself, sometimes perilous, ever mutable, never fixed, it reflects me (of course) back to myself. Once in a while in my journey I have asked myself, what am I doing here? What is the point of all this anyways? Am I an aspiring shaman? No… Do I want to learn magic? Not necessarily… Am I a spirit-worker? Nope not the last time I checked. Am I god-touched? Nope, nope definitely not – no phones around…It does get confusing at times.
My blog has been an indispensable tool for me in my adventure to seek the gods. But its not just seeking that gods that I am doing here. I am also seeking myself. I am a mystic yes, a life-long learner to be sure but most importantly I seek to continually become a better person – to stay humble by keeping things in perspective and to grow and evolve and learn what I’ve come here to learn – what I sent myself here to learn. Ultimately I have gone deeper, I have healed in many ways, I have grown.
This blog has been equal parts research and confessional. I’m grateful to have a place to get it all off my chest regardless if real-world people are reading or not (although it is always fantastic to hear from you). It feels like posting is kind of like sending prayers out to the cosmos.
Here’s to more of the same from you all – stay honest and shocking and brilliant and funny and charming. Stay gold. Much love to you all. Bring on the year of the ram. Happy New Years!
Sky on her Isle