I was reading about the The Horned One, and then there are antlers on my head. In ecstatic trance or in shape shifting, the power of something rushing through me as though I was a river, or standing in a river. Torrential.
Or like a lightening rod, energy is flowing through me and I am so bright, but it’s so fast, like electricity, and so massive that the force if it rattles my bones, my eyes are flinging light, my arms outstretched – I am Overcome.
But I am Strong.
Like, invincible. But it’s not an ego trip. It just feels, good. And right.
I am so huge – expanding – rising up like a giant (butterflies in my stomach). Am I screaming? Singing. And it sings through me.
What is the feeling?
Power. What am I going to do with all this power?
The power to obliterate enemies – Earth enemies. To run into the woods headless of weather, predators – to overcome all physical limitations.
To fight. To battle. To be a warrior.
The power to face death. Face fear.
The power makes me un-afraid. At last I am un-afraid.
Something about the antlers … the Horned One always draws me, but me wearing antlers is power. Intoxicating. But it’s not my power, it is something that comes through me – I am a conduit.
I merge with the Earth
I run into the forest
I sink into the dirt
I lose myself
Disintegrate into the
Deep dark rich and musty
I am the soil
I am the rocks
I am the deer, elk
I am the horn
… And then it was over.
And I’m left with ‘I am afraid of my own power’.
And it wasn’t me now, this was me watching me – a future me or a possible me. But – there is stuff in the way. Blocks – I am blocked – like, really blocked. I suddenly felt like I had to work, as soon as possible. More work. Get it out – whatever it is.
And then – there was this sense that I am supposed to do something with all of this – like something needs to come through me, in the future – or something needs to come out of me, before I can realize my abilities, or possibilities.
And that I am supposed to get strong – like, physically strong – choose weapons and learn them.
And that I need to fashion a headdress – with antlers on it.
And that was also a feeling – that I am allowed to wear the antlers … if I choose to wear them – and this is what it would feel like.