What is the spiritual meaning of a health crisis?
I have been so sill these past few weeks – bad flu – and then some crazy heart arrhythmia stuff. Not sure what it’s about – although I am starting to think it’s purely exhaustion. Adrenal fatigue maybe – burn-out.
Whenever I am under large amounts of stress, I get heart arrhythmia. Last time it happened I had been vegetarian for eight years – but really I just ate vegetables. What me eat beans? Tofu? ew, no way! Eventually my heart was pitter-pattering all the time really – I couldn’t work out at the gym anymore, couldn’t go running at all – and then, when my hair started falling out I finally went to the doctor. Turned out to be a bout of hyperthyroidism – that actually cleared itself up before I even got the test results back. Why? Well I had a Chinese Medicine doc at the time, who looked me up and down and asked me right away if I was vegetarian – um, yeees – and he said, ‘You need to eat meat’. What? No way! … I can’t do that! It’s against my principles. He said ‘Yes, I think the whole world should be vegetarian – eventually. But, we can’t expect it to happen all at once. You are of Scottish/Irish heritage – what did your ancestors eat?’ hmmmm thoughts of potatoes and blood pie.. ‘Right! So what makes you think that in one generation you can change the way your family, your blood-line has been eating for generations – for thousands of years? Just like that?’ (snap)
Never really though of it that way before. At any rate he told me to go home and eat meat – and no, not chicken – he said I needed to ‘consume the chi of a big red-blooded animal’ – like, now!
Went home and ate a buffalo shish-kabob – and wow! I was up all night cleaning my house. The effect was almost immediate, and intense. After that I brought meat (organic and Halal where possible) back into my diet in small amounts, and had to re-frame it as ‘medicine’ in my head – on the advisement of my TCM doc. I still eat it – though maybe only twice a month now. That seems to be enough for me to maintain good blood and chi health.
So in refection on that health crisis – it did get me to wake up to a lot of things about myself, my life and my lifestyle at the time, that maybe I had been avoiding up until then. I was really tired of my life as I had built it to that point – I was dissatisfied, grumpy, uninspired, bored of my routines and finding my relationships to be hollow and shallow. Granted, a ton of my mood swings and general upset and outbursts were due to my health issues; I was too skinny and couldn’t gain weight, was very week feeling in my bones and muscles, where I am normally strong for my small frame, and I was very high-strung, wound tight, and agitated – which are typical hyperthyroid symptoms. Over-all though, I was feeling unaccomplished and stuck. I had been partying for a few years – I was a DJ at the time so up late and hanging at clubs and underground parties and with folks doing exactly the same thing as me. I guess I was just… tired of it all. The party, as they say, was over. And actually had been over for a while – I was just not looking at it.
Getting sick really threw this stuff in my face. I had to change things to get better – and I slowly slowly started back on that road to good health. Took me a while – years even, to feel normal again. I am naturally a super easy-going, laid back person, who loves adventure and new things and is super open-minded. During my health crisis, it was almost like I had become the opposite of all of that. Paying attention to my food intake (and other intakes), sleeping properly and dropping some relationships – I slowly, slowly started to feel myself equal out and mellow the heck out.
So – currently I am feeling ill. My heart has begun to pitter-patter once again – but this time it isn’t a thyroid issue. I’ve been tested – blood tests, cardiograms, chest xrays – been to emergency this past week. (And let me just set up a virtual shrine here in words, to our Canadian health care system – I am so grateful to live in a place where I can actually go and get this stuff done without paying through the nose – I am blessed).
Once again I have to stop and look at my life and my lifestyle and see where I could be going wrong. I’ve been saying for a while now, that I need to have time to myself and how do I do this? My husband stayed home last week – I was in bed most of the week and he did everything I usually do – and after a couple of days was all pissy at me, “I can’t believe you do all of this stuff – you have our son, you cook, you nanny another child, you clean the house and do all the laundry, and on top of that you are taking on more work? You are doing too much! Stop it!’
heheheh – ah men.
But seriously – he’s probably right. I feel that my health is maybe not quite a crisis, but it’s certainly jabbing me on the shoulder saying pay attention! I just wish I knew what the possible solutions were.
I haven’t really prayed for a few weeks – I missed doing anything at Samhain to mark the occasion – it was pouring, like sheets of rain out for trick-or treating this year – impossible to have a fire, though we did try ; ) And then I was run down, and that was it. Back to bed. I did do up a beautiful alter though. But had no chance to do any work with it.
Today I went to my altar in earnest – to say hello and give thanks, and ended up staying there rambling about everything for half and hour! Kind of makes me chuckle. I mean I just went on and on about everything. I felt better. And yes I constantly have to drag myself back to the alter to remind me that it feels better to stick to my spiritual discipline, no matter what. It works – it feels better.
And this blog is part of that discipline. I am so grateful for this blog – it really has done what I was hoping it would do for me – and that is to keep me on track with my studies. I find if I don’t write here, I stop paying attention and I lose connection.
Also I really love reading all of the blog out there – so thanks for writing! I am continually impressed, inspired, moved by the stuff that I read.
ok so that’s my ramble for today – hope to get back into more meaty stuff when I am feeling better.
Happy New Years all you witches,
Skye on her Isle