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Breakfast With the Gods

Blundering through the sacred

Bear

I have an interesting story – and this is happening to me now. My last post there was from a few years ago. Still digesting all of the work I’ve done. This is a story about how Bear has come to me.

First – I am terrified of bears. Mortally – like a phobia. Not sure why or when that happened. I grew up in a small town in the mountains. We were surrounded by bears. I don’t remember ever being overly afraid of them. I was more afraid of dogs – because they bite. And I was bitten a few times. Bears? You just keep away from them basically.

But as an adult I have this fear. It could be because of this crazy documentary I saw about this bear biologist who got eaten by a grizzly – what was it called? Oh yeah! Grizzly Man by Werner Herzog. Ak! That movie warped my brain. I hadn’t realized that bears actually eat people. Occasionally. Then there are stories in the paper here and there (where I live anyways) about black bear maulings or that time that couple up in the Kootenays ran into a grizzly in the forest and it tried to eat the guy’s head? Oh I know about those bears, they’ll getcha.

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Journey to Huaskar

A journey from the medicine wheel I was in a couple of years ago. Huaskar is the Keeper of the Underworld in Q’ero cosmology.

I went to see Huaskar again on the weekend. It was an interesting experience.

I arrived at the Underworld via the big tree in the middle of my meadow – same as last time. The river Styx was quiet as I rode it down and over a waterfall – to end up emerging on the shore of a lake. Difference this time was the soft sunlight peaking through green trees here and there – so it was not completely dusk, as it has been before.

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2016 I Miss You

I miss this blog.

What happened was, I wanted to start writing about being a mom more, kind of like a mom-blog, but that didn’t feel like it fit here on Breakfast With the Gods – the point of which was to write about my burning question, “What are the Gods?”, and my journey to meet with them.

So I started SpiritMAMA, a platform for the rediscovery of earth based spirituality and raising kids close to the Mama. I want/ed SpiritMAMA to be about service – passing on things that I have learned. And, about building community and collaboration – this month I had my first submission from someone other than myself! and SM hosted my first fundraising project for the local yoga studio where I got certified as a teacher last year. It’s also about me coming out of the ‘pagan’ closet – an admission and acceptance of what I am and what I believe in and what I think is cool.

But, SpiritMAMA feels much more public than this blog does. Almost like a persona. So, going there to write about my personal problems, process, spiritual praxis, doesn’t feel right.

I really miss writing about that stuff. I miss how grounding it is for me. How illuminating. And also how much it actually keeps me on my spiritual path and in doing my practice. And that is so important! What an amazing tool this blog has been for me.

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After I got Grave’s Disease

Everything fell apart.

But, it really had to. They say disease, sickness, injury come to show us what we are ignoring. Or at least show us where we are in disharmony. For me, Graves made me sit down. Literally. I sat on my couch for months because even the slightest of strain or excitement made my heart race out of my chest. Getting up to go to the bathroom for example. Getting upset at a sad movie. Climbing stairs. Dwelling on negative things in my life. All equaled chest pains and tachycardia.

It’s really the most vulnerable I have ever felt, my heart a timid bird in its cage of ribs, fluttering.

So, I sat. And sat. And my life stopped.

Read the rest here

We Are of the Earth

This morning I did another meditation to speak to the spirit of my disease. This is what came up:

This time when I went into my turret staircase to decent into a deeper meditative space, I found that the walls were not brick anymore, but wood. Not planks of wood, rather smooth wood that went on and on down. It felt like being inside a tree. Inside a tree! I remembered my teaching recently, that the world tree – the axis mundi, is also us. We are the intermediaries between heaven and earth. Was I descending into my own body then?

I saw myself as the tree, with my chakras open and spinning.

Everything was very dark. There were no windows. I spent some time envisioning sconces on the walls with fire in them. Also feeling the air – it was very warm and comforting in there. I sat on the stairs for some time and just rested.

Then, when I asked the darkness, what are you here to teach me? what do you need me to see?

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How I Found My Shadow

After reading this post from my teacher, I decided to try out asking the spirit of my disease what it was here to teach me. For those who don’t know, I have Graves Disease, which is an autoimmune malfunction where the immune system attacks the thyroid gland (roughly speaking). Symptoms for me, fluctuate. Lately it’s been getting a bit worse.

I feel in my bones that this malaise is energetic, or had an energetic beginning. I have felt like if I could just ask my body what was wrong, I could get an answer. It hadn’t occurred to me before to just, ask.

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Listening In

My health and my spiritual studies compete for my time. I have had the message a few times now, via my tarot and runes, that I am out of balance and my connection won’t progress/deepen until my health is back in balance. Since working at my practice, mainly yoga every morning, I’ve been starting to hear things – get messages – like when I’m half asleep or daydreaming – or during yoga or even just during my daily activities. Regarding my heath I have a feeling like there is something I’m just not getting. If all physical ailments begin in the energy body, or energetically, then we should be able to heal ourselves on that level if we find where that blockage is. I’ve been working on this – as well as making changes in the physical plane, like diet and yoga – but I feel like I keep bumping up against an unknown thing – something that is blocking me, or something going on in my body that I am unaware of. I’m missing something.

Continue reading “Listening In”

Gratitude

Loving this message today! And Paolo has quite a voice! Inspiring me to sing even more.

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